The Dream
by datawolf39
Summary: Lame title I know but I couldn't think of anything else and it is pretty much about a dream so it kinda fits. John has a dream that he thinks would ruin what he has on Atlantis and he decides that its just better if he leaves. Rated T for a certain part that you will know when you read it. Falls under a lot of genres so I just chose the ones i think fit most.


**A/N When I wrote this I didn't know it was going to be this long but I had to get it down so. Anyway part of it turned into a song fic you'll know it when you get to the italics. This is Slash just so you know and there is a kinda explicit part so be warned. I don't own the characters although I wish I did. That's all I have to say so without further ado I present my piece of fan fiction. Please leave a review for me.**

"Rodneeeey,"

"Joooohn,"

"Would you two grow up?" Teyla asked in a voice that was filled with barely hidden amusement. She would never wish to change them though, because they just wouldn't be the same without them bickering like two-year olds. In any case they were quite amusing and a pleasant distraction in many situations.

"But Teyla," John complained "Rodney is taking _forever_ to finish and I know he's doing it on purpose.

"I may be a genius but I only have two hands you moron so just hold your horses I'm almost finished."

"That's Colonel Moron to you Meredith."

Rodney turned his patented glare of death on his friend and contemplated do him bodily harm. But the expedition still needed the dumb reckless flyboy not to mention the fact that Sheppard would likely win if they fought. But Rodney was going to make him suffer one way or another.

Two seconds later there was a zap and a hum of energy and the jumper was up and running again. With a satisfied nod Rodney pulled out a power bar and bit off a chunk.

It had been six hours since they had crashed on a –thankfully- deserted island en route to Atlantis. Rodney had been working since then fixing it. About four hours in Ronon was sleeping on the side of the jumper, John had started bothering Rodney because he had nothing better to do and Teyla was playing her self-appointed role of referee for the verbal battle to make sure that it didn't go too far.

"Good work McKay," John said with a friendly pat to the shoulder as he walked past him to the pilot seat in the jumper. After making sure everything- and everyone- was in place experienced hands made the jumper began to rise and resume course to the city they called home.

A while later the four friends gathered -well Rodney had to be dragged from his lab and forced to join them but that was usual- in the commissary. They all enjoyed spending time together especially the rare times that didn't involve someone in the infirmary, or fighting the wraith, or being trapped by some crazy villagers that seemed to have a grudge against them.

The first minutes of conversation were quite lively and Rodney stole John's cake as payback for using his first name. But when John started to stare longingly at his stolen slice of heaven Rodney relented a little and gave him half which John began to happily devour.

After a little while though John began to feel tired. The day hadn't been strenuous, by his standards anyway, since it was a standard jumper flight look out the window and see what you see type deal but he hadn't been sleeping well lately due to nightmares about losing Atlantis and the people that had become so close to him. They were his family and for the first time he knew what it was like being part of a real family both depending and being depended on and he didn't ever want to lose that feeling.

"John, are you okay?" Telya asked, eyeing her friend with concern.

John snapped to attention and realized that he had spaced out and that he could feel tears on his cheeks. Embarrassed, he quickly wiped them away and took a breath to steady himself. "I'm just tired," he said with a small grin knowing that he was really in need of sleep since he couldn't hold his emotions behind the veil of wit and sarcasm like he usually did.

He knew that they didn't quite believe that he was telling the truth but that couldn't be helped. It seemed that as soon as he had told them he was tired his body to it as a signal to try to go to sleep. Getting up from the table before he could pass out he said goodnight, dumped his tray, and walked to his room. When he got to his room he was too tired to put on pajamas so he settled for stripping down to his boxers, letting the clothes fall wherever they fell and laying down on the bed with a sigh. He fell asleep instantly –thankfully- too tired to even dream.

The next morning he woke up feeling like he had just gone to sleep and he felt a little ill but he pushed it back and got dressed arriving at the briefing at exactly 0700.

His team along with Major Lorne one other marine were going to a planet for an emergency search and rescue. He was sure that someone had said the letter number combination name for the place but who really remembered that thing anyway. Maybe he should ask them to start giving the planets names so that it would be easier to remember. Putting the thought away for another time he headed through the gate. Going through the gate to get to the planet made the fact that he didn't feel too well come back to the front of his mind with a vengeance but once again he pushed it aside so that he could do his job and promised himself some Tylenol when he got back to Atlantis.

He really wished that this hadn't happened because he really would have loved to have gone to the sunny planet with the friendly villagers. It would have been almost like a vacation but of course with his luck he wasn't really all that surprised. A team had vanished and they were here to figure out why. Rodney was behind him and had a life signs detector in his hand silently directing them to the life signs. Four of them, close together so it had to be the missing team. Their search led them to a cave. Each person flicked on the light on the top of the gun and walked very carefully just in case. At the back of the cavern was the missing team wrapped in purple spider web and hanging like an evening meal. Sheppard had to suppress a shudder, ever since the incident of the creepy leech bug of death he had become averse to the presence of any bug-like creature add to that the fact that he had almost turned into a bug and it was a miracle he didn't pass out at the mere thought of a bug.

Quickly they freed the captive men and moved to leave before whatever it was got them too. They made it to the mouth of the cave before they saw them. It was a group of ten legged spider like beast that were about half the size of a small car, they conveniently did not show up on the detector, and from the looks of things they were not happy about their meal escaping.

As his unluckiness would have it Sheppard saw the eyes of the spiders turn to him. 'for crying out loud' he thought, cursing his luck as he ran. He looked back and saw the whole group of spiders after him. He ran in a wide circle taking a roundabout way to the gate to give the team enough time to get there and gate to Atlantis.

After an hour of top speed running he could see the gate which was awesome because he was ready to just drop at any moment. Teyla was at the DHD and when she heard him she dialed Atlantis and when he got close she went through and he dove in and tumbled out into his city and the gate quickly shut down so that none of the spider-like creatures could come through.

He was very tired he could hardly breathe. He was in pain and he heard an annoying sound coming from close by. Then he realized that he was screaming. Time ceased to have meaning and his next awareness was snippets of Carson's voice. Been bitten… poison… high temp… attracted them… slipping…"

Then awareness was gone and he was left floating in darkness.

The first thing that John was aware of was a sense of wrongness. He couldn't quite pinpoint the problem though and then it hit him. He couldn't feel the hum of Atlantis in the back of his mind. But other than that he felt fine. This was weird in his own right because the last thing that he remembered was being chased by those spiders and Carson's voice saying something about poison. So with that logic he thought that he should be either intense pain or feel floaty on the good drugs. But he felt normal. He also didn't feel the tingle that signaled danger for him and he was quite comfortable on a soft bed that did not feel anything like his bed on Atlantis.

Before he could open his eyes his breath was taken away when a weight leapt right on top of him.

He opened his eyes to the sight of two 7-year-old kids a boy and a girl. The boy was slightly smaller than the girl and had blue eyes and light colored hair that stuck up in all directions. The girl had blue eyes as well but other than that and the fact that her hair laid down better she looked like him. Which was really freaky cause he didn't have any kids!

John was feeling really worried by this. He was also in shock. The kids mistook his disbelief for reluctance and went to wake the bed's other occupant.

The lump under the covers groaned as it was assailed by the two kids and flipped back the covers to glare at John.

"You're the one who promised to play with them first thing in the morning so hop up and take them out." Rodney said before rolling back over to catch some extra sleep.

Why was Rodney in bed with him? John wondered. Deciding that he had either made a trip to the twilight zone or that he was dreaming he went on ahead and got dressed. What harm could come of playing with them and anyway he loved kids.

Five minutes later the three of them were outside making a snowman when he was pelted with two snowballs simultaneously. Suddenly he felt very excited because he hadn't had a snowball fight in forever. "This means war," He growled as the two kids retreated to a pre-built snow fort.

After twenty minutes of play and the completion of a snowman and snowwommaan a truce was called and they headed inside the house. In the kitchen they all saw that Rodney had gotten up and there were four steaming mugs on the counter. After removing their coats they sat at the kitchen table and Rodney dished out the mugs.

"Hot chocolate for the kids and coffee for me," he said as he placed the mugs down.

"Hey," John spoke up realizing that he had been called a kid.

"Papa don't be mean to Daddy," the little girl scolded.

"Daddy it's better to be a kid cause you get hot coco and not bitter coffee. Plus coffee doesn't taste good with marshmallows," the boy said plucking out a semi melted marshmallow with his spoon and eating it.

After the drinks were consumed Rodney looked at his watch and said "Meri, Johnnie go get your things so that I can take you to your Aunt's house."

When the two kids were out of sight and up the stairs Rodney turned to John. "Thank goodness that Jeannie and Kaleb are willing to take them for the rest of today. We won't have time to ourselves for a while to come seeing as tomorrow is Christmas Eve."

Ten minutes later Rodney was playing chuffer and John decided to look around this place. It was a fairly standard house large kitchen with the dining room connected to it, Living room a few steps away decorated with a fire place that had pictures of the four of them together. As well a picture that John realized was of the day the he and Rodney got married. Yup no doubt about it he was definitely in the Twilight Zone. Upstairs were the four bedrooms one of which was being used as a playroom and two bathrooms one in the hall and the other in the Master bedroom.

Going back to the living room he sat on the sofa and picked up a photo album. The first page had baby pictures of Meri and Johnnie. The next page was one where they were two and had cake smeared on them. Near the end of the book he found some recent pictures that were taken at Atlantis.

His favorite was a Halloween picture that had a bunch of people squeezed into it. Next to the picture was a list of what everyone was. Daniel was dressed as monkey and had a fake space helmet on. Next to him Jack was dressed as Indiana Jackson according to the side bar. Sam was in a flowing light blue dress and had her hair tied back with a glittery band of the same blue. According to the side bar she was dressed as Atlantis and had won a prize for her creativity. Teal'c wasn't dressed up at all because he came as a human. Teyla was dressed as Pocahontas which was quite fitting; Todd was there dressed as Dracula which was quite creepy. John himself was dressed as a scientist and Rodney had merely spiked his hair and called himself a 'mad scientist'. Torren was dressed as a werewolf and Meri and Johnnie were dressed as a cat and a dog respectively.

Suddenly he was struck hard with a wave of dizziness which made him drop the album. Rodney stepped in at that moment and pulled him up to the bedroom and gave him some medicine and began to soothingly rub his temples.

After it had passed John looked up at Rodney and saw he was worried but unsurprised.

"How many times has it happened since we came to Earth?" Rodney asked in a low but no- nonsense tone of voice.

"Just this one," John replied honestly.

"Good any more than that and we would have to go back. Only _you_ could manage to make an entire city fall in love with you so much so that you develop a symbiotic relationship." Rodney scoffed.

"Jealous," John said on impulse.

"Maybe," Rodney said pouting a bit.

Then John was completely surprised when he suddenly found his lips locked with Rodney's. He was even more mystified when he felt the reaction that occurred on a lower part of his anatomy. His heart began to hammer as the kissed deepened to include the tongues. In all of three seconds they were both naked and Rodney was nipping, biting, and suckling down his body. He was on fire and he couldn't believe it. Rodney was his best friend and he never even considered going beyond that but goodness how could he not have foreseen what Rodney could do.

John's mind turned to mush as Rodney took his now fully erect cock into his mouth and sucked it, licked it, and lightly nipped at it as John involuntarily began to thrust. This was undeniably the best blowjob he had ever had he briefly wondered if one of Rodney's PhD's was in cock sucking. But the thought slipped away as he was thrust into the stratosphere when he looked and saw the lust crazed eyes of his lover.

His body began to move on auto-pilot as he went to return the favor. He derived pleasure and encouragement as he licked away at the sensitive places on his lover's body working his way down, teasing his lover as he licked and nipped everywhere but where his lover really desired him. Finally Rodney was fed up with the teasing and pushed himself into John's mouth. John still managed to grin deviously at his lover while enjoying the taste of the erect organ loving the hands that ran through his hair as his name mixed with moans of delight came from the mouth of his lover.

Before Rodney could cum he let the organ slip out of his mouth and pushed his lover's legs up and prepared him for entry. When he slid in after the preparation it was like coming home and then he began to pound hard as he hit the spot that made his lover cry out in pleasure. Moments later, with one final push, they both erupted and fell into a state of pure bliss.

When John finally came down from his high he found that he had been wiped clean. He also found that he was cocooned in Rodney's arms and it just felt so right. He couldn't help but enjoy this life and he was really looking forward to Christmas with his family.

The next night the kids decided that they wanted to spend the night in the bed of their parents and somehow roped Rodney into telling them a story that had nothing to do with old Saint Nick.

"Once upon a time there was a pilot and a scientist. At first the pilot didn't think he could like the scientist because he thought the scientist was a bit stuck up and mean. The scientist similarly believed that the pilot was dense and childish. But then the two of them started working together and going on adventures so they started to understand each other better. Eventually they even became friends and then best friends. They had other friends too, a big loyal caveman and a small but very dangerous woman. One day they went on a mission that changed the relationship between the scientist and the pilot and they not only fell in love they had kids together and lived happily ever after."

"Rodney just because you begin with once upon a time and end with happily ever after doesn't mean you told a story.

"Daddy is it true that you really didn't like Papa at first?" Meri asked.

"Yes but in my defense he was quite vain. He practically walked around the entire time saying how smart and incredible he was."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Shut up John," he said and then challenged him by saying "and you think you can tell a better story."

John smiled and cleared his throat. "Once upon a time there was a very lonely man. No one really cared for him so he took risks that nobody else would because he thought he had nothing to lose."

"Why was he lonely Daddy?" Johnnie asked.

"Well his mom was gone and his dad was mad at him. His brother was a lot like his dad so he didn't associate with him either. Anyway one day he met some people and in a crazy twist of fate he became important to them. He started to have fun and played jokes on people. He ran around and played like a kid and often got in trouble for it. But it couldn't be helped because he had a lot of fun. He was happier than he had ever been in his entire life until the bad guys came."

"Grr" they growled. "We want to eat you all up" they taunted.

"Now the people didn't want to be eaten to they fought back. The sky looked like it was lit with fireworks and the booms were so loud that you couldn't hear yourself breathe. Eventually the bad guys got the message.

"We'll be back for you," they screamed as they retreated.

"Everyone stuck out their tongues as they watched them go. After that they gave the guy a party cause he was the main reason they won and he got to pick whoever he wanted as a mate cause he was just so awesome. The end."

Rodney rolled his eyes again and muttered something about vanity before drifting off to sleep followed by the other three occupants of the bed.

The next morning after the wrapping paper flew around and breakfast was gone the four of them went to Jeannie's house. The kids played with each other and the adults got to relax. Rodney began to complain half-heartedly about the tofu turkey which made John laugh and Jeannie just rolled her eyes wonder how such a genius could act like such an idiot.

Suddenly John felt a wave of sleepiness pass over him and just like that he was alone in the darkness once again.

When John woke up he half expected to still be at Jeannie's and the other half expected to be at the house that he and Rodney and the two kids shared.

But he was in neither place and he could tell by the hum of Atlantis that surrounded him as well as the smell of antiseptic that saturated the air that he was in the infirmary. He opened his eyes and realized that, that life had been a dream. For some reason that knowledge hurt and he found that he couldn't stop the ache in his heart that was forming.

A few hours later he was resting in his room after being discharged and he couldn't help the wave of depression that had begun to crash upon him in an attempt to drown him.

Then there was a knock on the door and he bid the person to enter and was shocked to see that it was Rodney. But then he remembered that this was best friend Rodney not the dream lover Rodney. The distinction tore at him and he also felt guilty that he had done what he did in his dream.

Feigning tiredness and ignoring the hurt and concern in the other man's eyes at the dismissal John turned over and went to sleep hoping things would be better in the morning. The next week was nearly impossible to get through because of Rodney. Every time John saw him he yearned for what they had in the dream and he couldn't help the sadness and lust that he began to constantly feel when in the same room with his best friend. He tried to hid it, of course, behind his usual wall of sarcasm and a nonchalant attitude but Teyla and Ronon began to notice that something was off and sent him looks of concern from time to time which made him happy and angry happy because they cared about him but angry because he couldn't control himself.

That night he typed up a letter and packed his things up. He had no other options and now he just had to wait.

When John didn't show up at the morning meeting the team and Sam got really worried and they all headed down to his quarters. At first they thought it was the wrong room because it was cleaned out except for a white envelope marked for Sam.

_Sam,_

_Sorry I did not hand this to you in person but I just couldn't. I'm going back to Earth because I can't stay here anymore. I have enclosed a list of recommendations for who can replace me as the military commander of Atlantis as well as a list of who would be excellent choices to head SGA-1 now that I am gone._

_This is my official resignation from Atlantis. Goodbye. Tell Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney, goodbye for me and tell them it was for the best that I leave because I was so preoccupied that I could have gotten them hurt on a mission and then that would have been unforgivable. Being on Atlantis with all of them and you Sam has been the greatest experience of my life and I wouldn't have traded it for anything at all because I finally had a family so thank you all for that. It was an honor to serve with all of you including Rodney's ego. Good Luck in the Pegasus._

_ -John Sheppard _

All four of the people looked at each other with similar looks of disbelief. Sheppard was gone and he wasn't coming back. It was so sudden and so not like him.

"Find him," Sam order with an implied 'bring him back and get him to explain whatever this is.'

_Empty spaces fill me up with holes _

It had been two weeks since Sheppard had left and started a new life on Earth. The pain caused by missing Atlantis and his friends was his constant companion.

_Distant faces with no place left to go _

_Without you within me I can't find no rest_

Atlantis wasn't much better off. She was sad and she had let control slip in some areas because of that. But she missed him so she couldn't help it.

_Where I'm going is anybody's guess_

_I tried to go on like I never knew you_

_I'm awake but my world is half asleep _

_I pray for this heart to be unbroken but without you all I'm going to be is incomplete_

John had found a place to stay and now he just wanted to forget it all, but the memories were too strong the bonds that he had formed wouldn't allow him to just let go. In the day he could forget but at night in his dreams he was on Atlantis with his family and when he awoke he was instantly burdened with the knowledge he was on Earth and that he would never see Atlantis or the people that he had come to love ever again.

_Voices tell me I should carry on but I am swimming in an ocean all alone _

_Baby my baby it's written on your face _

_You still wonder if we made a big mistake _

_I tried to go on like I never knew you_

_I'm awake but my world is half asleep _

_I pray for this heart to be unbroken but without you all I'm going to be is incomplete_

Atlantis was being told what to do by the other humans but without her muse what was the point. She wondered if John realized he had made a mistake. She needed him and he needed her they were to sides of the same coin and without each other they were incomplete and worthless. She felt so alone and wondered how long she could last without him.

_I don't mean to drag it on _

_But I can't seem to let you go_

_I don't want to make you face this world alone_

_I want to let you go_

_I tried to go on like I never knew you_

_I'm awake but my world is half asleep _

_I pray for this heart to be unbroken but without you all I'm going to be is incomplete_

_Incomplete_

As John lay on his bed he knew that he was dying and he didn't have the strength to care. All the strength he had was being devoted to letting go and praying that all the people he cared about were being taken care of. But try as he might he couldn't seem to let go and he saw weakness in that. He had never belonged there never deserved the care and concern of Atlantis and the people that now inhabited her and with that thought everything began to fade.

It had taken a while to track him down but in the end they had done it. It was late afternoon when they burst into the tiny apartment All three of them could sense that something was really wrong and they hurried to the single bedroom where they found the hollow shell of the man they once knew. It had only been two weeks give or take and John had changed. He had lost weight and was very pale. He had dark shadows under his eyes as well but the most distressing thing was that it appeared that he wasn't breathing.

Teyla ran over to him praying that he was alive. Ronon and Rodney watched anxiously from the doorway.

"We were almost too late. He is breathing but he needs medical attention immediately."

After calling for a doctor from the SGC and describing his condition they sat with him in the barren small room wondering what could have made him do this.

A few hours after the doctor came and went with detailed instructions to follow Sheppard woke up.

Upon his return to consciousness he was sure he was dreaming because Telya, Ronon, and Rodney were there they were glaring at him but whatever. He found himself smiling fondly at the figments of his imagination. It was kind of cool to hallucinate when one hallucinated good things and this way he could say bye he was really sad he hadn't gotten to do that in-person but they wouldn't have let him leave if he hadn't done what he did.

He tried to talk but he couldn't. That just sucked cause if he couldn't talk then how was he going to say bye to his friends. He frowned trying to think of a solution to this problem. He could wave but what if they thought he was saying hi instead of bye. He was going to die soon so he had to make sure he said bye. He was too tired to think anymore so he went ahead and went back to sleep. Hopefully the illusions would be there when he got up again that was if he got up again.

The next time he woke up he was more aware than before and so when he say the rest of his team they he knew they were real and that he was still alive. He also knew that they were going to force him to tell them why he left in the first place. But that was about all the clarity he had everything else was a bit fuzzy still.

He sighed and tried to sit up.

"So…" he said to the three people that were watching him struggle. He could feel himself blushing and it was all due to the fever of course and if he blushed deeper when he looked over at Rodney that was just mere coincidence. He briefly wondered if it would be terribly childish of him to hide under his blanket cause he really didn't want to explain. He was saved from having to explain when a wave of nausea passed over him and he hopped out of bed and emptied the contents of his stomach hugging the porcelain throne for dear life. This was a pretty ironic choice of words considering only a little while ago he had been thinking of dying. Pitifully little came out of him and when he was done he just rested his head on the cold tile of the floor.

Suddenly he wasn't on the floor anymore and he realized Ronon was carrying him. Rodney had just finished changing the sheets and moments later Teyla came in the room with a bowl of water and a cloth. Rodney then stuck a thermometer in his mouth and looked alarmed when he pulled it out and showed it to the others.

He was hot now too hot! He was burning so he threw off the covers and tried to get his sluggish limbs to shrug of the pajamas. He wanted a shower he felt so sticky. They stopped him from moving he glared at them. But then he began to smile they pulled off his clothes and he felt cloths began to wash him. It wasn't a shower but it was nice. He sighed as the cool water touched him and then clean clothes were put on him and he felt slightly human once again. At some point he realized Teyla had left the room and when she came back she had a cup of water and some meds.

As the days passed he got worse and worse and it was finally decided that they would just take him back to Atlantis in his weakened state because they had received a message that Atlantis was falling apart. Key systems were acting up and they needed to fix it now.

Hours later the four of them arrived on Atlantis and the effects were immediate. Lights came on and an audible hum resounded. Suddenly they saw John wince. He gently pulled himself from Ronon's hold and walked over to the nearest wall and began to trail his fingers over it. He winced again and began to touch more of the surroundings. After yet another wince he became irritated. "Sorry I left okay. I won't do it again without consulting you first happy now?" He looked around the crowded gate room and saw that everyone was looking at him like he had gone nuts. "Now look what you've done they all think I'm crazy…. How is it my fault?... No you can't restrict my traveling." He blushed hard after a second. "Okay okay I take it back restrict the gate travel cause I'm not telling him about that." Then he got angry. "you wouldn't dare. Okay okay I get it give me time okay?"

He sighed and turned to address the room. "Atlantis is sorry about the inconvenience caused by her depression." Looking around he saw people were still looking at him like he had gone nuts.

A few minutes later he was walking to the infirmary and getting a check-up which revealed that he was still weak but in better shape than before. The next stop had been to his room where he now sat on the bed with four people staring at him.

Taking a breath and deciding to go ahead and get on with it he said," So I'm guessing I have some explaining to do."

To that statement there was a collective unspoken 'duh'.

"So you all remember when I got bit by the spider thingies?" everyone nodded. "I was unconscious for a few days and in that time I experienced a dream that was very…realistic. I guess I left because I was grieving."

"For what?" Teyla asked gently as she sat beside him.

"I had… kids in the dream. A set of twins a boy and a girl." He revealed.

"That's not all of it is it?" Ronon asked.

John cracked a small grin. They knew him to well. He sighed and revealed another piece of information. "I was married… in the dream."

"To," Rodney prompted probably expecting to hear him say it was some sexy, slender female that his subconscious had conjured up for him. He laughed bitterly oh boy would he be surprised when he found out. Yup he would be so surprised he would walk right out the door and never speak to him again. Rodney was into girls and even though his relationships hadn't worked out he didn't bat for the other team. What's more John hadn't even known that he played the other side of the fence until the dream happened. It was startling to realize that he would cross the line for Rodney. He had never even been interested in another guy before and while had been on Earth he took the liberty of testing his sexuality. Other guys did nothing for him the only one was Rodney so he didn't even know what that made him. Maybe it was just that Rodney was an exception to the rule. So he was heterosexual with a side of Rodney. He had to laugh at that it made Rodney sound like a meal. 'Hello waiter I would like the female buffet with a side of McKay please'. Oh God he was killing himself. He shook his head to clear it and looked at the four people in the room knowing that soon it would be one person less. He was going to lose his best friend. He wondered if he could get a dog maybe a German shepherd with blue eyes.

'Come on John' he scolded himself 'buck up and get it over with maybe if you laugh it off he'll take it as a joke or something'. He ran a hand through his hair nervously and said in a low tone "In the dream the kids were named Meri and Johnnie. Johnnie from my name of course and Meri derived from Meredith." It took about ten seconds for the people in the room to realize who he meant. He could tell they got it when their eyes began to get large and he said "By golly I think they got it."

Any second McKay would leave followed by the rest of them and then he would be alone and things would become awkward then he would leave again.

A minute passed.

Another.

Five more came and went.

Nobody had left.

"That's why you left?" Rodney said in a voice that was far too calm. Sheppard's head snapped up and looked at him.

Could it be that he didn't understand what he had said. He had thought that he had been pretty clear about it. Should he be mad or happy that Rodney had thought so little of what he'd said. 'Oh great job John now you're starting to contradict yourself first you want him to take it as a joke then you want him to take you seriously' he thought bitterly to himself.

"You say that like it isn't enough." John shot back.

"I thought we were closer than that. Well tell each other so much and I thought that meant we could depend on each other. But I guess you don't see it that way otherwise you wouldn't have left." Rodney said.

John just looked at his soon-to-be-ex-best friend and realized that he thought the main reason he had left had been the grief of losing the family he had in the dream. Rodney hadn't got that a lot of the reason had come from the fact that he actually had fallen in love with him in that dream world and by the looks on the others faces they hadn't got it either. They probably had come to the same conclusion Rodney had about him having trust issues or perhaps they thought that he was simply too embarrassed or ashamed to admit that he had been married to Rodney in the dream. Well he was going to have to set them strait.

Moving before he could think of all the reasons he shouldn't do what he was about to he walked the few steps over to where Rodney stood and kissed him. He put all of himself into the kiss so that they would understand and also so that he would have one real kiss with him to remember when he went back to Earth.

Reluctantly he pulled back and went to his seat on the bed and asked unnecessarily if they understood the biggest issue with him remaining on Atlantis. "I can't control myself anymore when I'm around you I tried and failed. That's why I think it's better if I leave."

"Sheppard you're a grade A idiot you know that." Rodney said. "I'm not gonna lie and say I've been pining away for you but we are friends and you should have at least trusted me not to go crazy over this. I'm not going to just stop being friends with you over something like this you know that right?"

By the look of complete astonishment that he was now getting from John Rodney realized that that was really what he thought was going to happen.

Rodney walked over and sat next to the man that was still giving him the deer-in-the-headlights expression. "Either way we can see if a deeper relationship is what we both want I mean with all the movie nights and nights on the pier we've practically have been dating for years."

"Somebody hit me please." John said. Nobody did it so he hit himself. There was a flash of pain and he realized that he was awake and with pain like that he was fairly sure that he wasn't dead.

That being settled he asked, "So can I kiss you again?"

"That's as good a test as any," Rodney replied and they leaned in and kissed each other not even aware that the other three people had begun to leave the room.

The next year brought a few changes. Rodney was a bit less obnoxious since he was happier than ever thanks in large part to his new spouse. Rodney's team of scientists were very happy about that though Kavanagh was still an annoyance though so he was the only one not to reap benefits of Rodney turning over a new leaf. Even Zelenka began to get fed up with the Kavanagh since Rodney had started giving Radek more of the work and could often be found cursing Kavanagh in Czech. Radek often commented nowadays how he admired that Rodney was able to retain any of his sanity.

John was a little less reckless now and only ended up in the infirmary every other mission and got kidnapped in only one out of four missions. With those changes the two of them were happy but the best thing was yet to happen. Exactly a year from the day they got together Rodney would find an Ancient device which he would make John activate and a month from then he would find out some very surprising, not to mention impossible, news and he would blame John for all the pain and suffering that he would endure in the months to come. But John could take it because after all it was his dream come true.


End file.
